The Fuzzy Line Between Bush and Obama
At this point it’s almost become a political commentary cliché to say it, but the reality is that the differences between Barack Obama’s presidency and that of George W. Bush are almost all matters of...
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If You Care About The ‘Latte Salute’ I Sort of Really Hate You
See this? If you care about this image even in the slightest, you are definitely the Worst American Ever. Well, okay, to be fair you’re one of the Worst Americans Ever. Seriously. Obama didn’t take the...
View ArticleDick Cheney Should Get Punched In His Cock Every Time He Talks About War
I don’t think Dick Cheney is a very self-aware human being. Either that, or the opiate-like effect that millions of dollars in blood money in your bank account can have on your sense of self-awareness...
View ArticleDear John McCain: Fuck You, You Low-Life War-Mongering Piece of Shit Asshole...
Dear John McCain, Fuck you, you low-life, war-mongering, piece of shit, asshole, douchebag, fuckface. You don’t like Code Pink protesting at your precious Senate Armed Services meeting? You thought the...
View ArticleREPORT: Obama Uses Nobel Prize to Stuff ISIS War Powers Authorization Into...
WASHINGTON, D.C. — It takes a whole lot of pages to ask Congress for permission to start a new war, and all those pages can be hard to stuff into a single, manila envelope. Luckily for President Barack...
View Article“Why The U.S.-Iran Nuke Deal Is Bad, Bad, Bad” by John McCain
The United States and Iran have seemingly reached an historic deal that Secretary of State John Kerry believes will permanently keep Iran’s nuclear program from developing nuclear weapons. Many have...
View ArticleOver 4,000 Dead U.S. Soldiers Send Gear to John McCain With Note: ‘You First,...
WASHINGTON, D.C. — It is no secret on the Hill that Senator John McCain (R-AZ), is not a fan of the framework deal that U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry signed with his Iranian counterparts last...
View ArticleBen Carson: ‘F**k Mike Huckabee, I’m the Religious Nuts’ Candidate!’
Schiese’s Volley, Iowa — With a mere 19 months between now and when Americans will choose their next president, the urgency to declare one’s candidacy for said office has ramped-up in recent weeks. The...
View ArticleJeb Bush: ‘I Would Have Pulled an Iraq Too Because Stupid Runs In My Family’
Pine Derby Falls, North Dakota — Presumptive 2016 Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush if elected to the highest office in the country wouldn’t have to look outside his own nuclear family for...
View ArticleGeorge W. Bush Gives Iraq Vet A Ride Home; Asks For Gas Money
CRAWFORD, TEXAS — When Garret Fuller stuck his thumb out on Highway 317, he was looking for a ride home. His car had broken down and the Iraq War vet had left his cell phone back at his house. He was...
View ArticleAn Open Letter To Our Douchebag Congress
Hey Douchebags, Sorry, Where Are My Manners? Hey Senators and Congresspeople Douchebags, So, right, here’s the thing: Please don’t fuck up the Iran nuclear deal. Okay? I totally get that asking you...
View ArticleAmerica’s Greatest Chicken Hawk Still Totally Proud of Illegal, Pointless War
DEATH STAR II THRONE ROOM, ORBITING MOON OF ENDOR — In a recent interview on CNN, former Vice-President Dick Cheney told Anderson Cooper that he will make “no apologies” for the Iraq War. To many...
View ArticleArea Atheist Doesn’t Want Any More ‘Damn Christian Terrorists’ Moving To Her...
FLUSHING MEADOWS, WISCONSIN — Failed 2016 Republican presidential candidate Scott Walker also happens to be the governor of the State of Wisconsin. Walker is one of the over 20 governors who have...
View ArticleSyrian Refugee Hoping to Dodge Bullets in the U.S. for a Change
GRACE, TENNESSEE — Ammar Abdul Malouf is a 32-year old Syrian who fled his home country to come to America, seeking asylum from the bloody civil war that is ravaging the Syrian countryside. Malouf...
View ArticleHeaven to Close Gates and Turn Away Xenophobic Americans
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY — A spokesman for Larry “God” Schumway, founder and CEO of Holy Trinity, Inc. told a group of gathered holy reporters that in light of the rampant Islamaphobia God has seen...
View ArticleMarco Rubio: I Would Bomb More Children Than Cruz
HAMPTON, IOWA — Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) was considered a possible winner in CNN’s Republican primary debate held in Las Vegas, Nevada this week. Senator Rubio hit the campaign trail hard in the...
View ArticleSyrian Child Hopes U.S. Carpet Bombs Match His Drapes
SYRIA — Four year old Syrian Samil Homsi and his family are hoping to be out of their war torn home country before the next presidential election in the United States. Samil’s mother says that’s...
View ArticleMarco Rubio Admits He Requested Bigger Debate Podium to Hide His War Boner
DES MOINES, IOWA — Speaking to reporters after last night’s Republican primary debate in Iowa, Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) admitted that the rumors floating around before the debate were true; he had...
View ArticleU.N. Security Council To Vote On Designating Trump’s Twitter Account A...
The United Nation's Security Council is debating whether or not to attach a special label to the Twitter account of America's next president. [...] The post U.N. Security Council To Vote On Designating...
View ArticleSyrian Fetus Asks To Be Put In American Uterus So GOP Will Care About It...
A very young Syrian refugee wants out of its home country. But knows that America is weird right now, and it has a plan to get around that. [...] The post Syrian Fetus Asks To Be Put In American Uterus...
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